its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
