Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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