got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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