My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
