this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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