what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
