I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
