so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
