We're like a lot better than the average bears
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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