I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
