Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
