I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
