Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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