im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
