Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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