I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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