You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
