I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
