if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
