I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
