Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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