The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
