when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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