So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I came so hard my ears popped.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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