More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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