If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
