She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
