You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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