is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
