The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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