the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
