I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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