I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
