Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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