I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize