I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize