I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize