Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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