Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
