so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize