they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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