When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize