Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
