Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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