that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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