addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
