fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
