So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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