i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
