3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize