GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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