he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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