Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize