Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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