Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
