Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
