No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
