Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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