Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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