The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
