I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
