I wish my penis had an off switch
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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